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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593630">A hidden shadow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Emo_cat/pseuds/Lil_Emo_cat'>Lil_Emo_cat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>League of Legends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kayn's a child at heart, M/M, Slow Burn, Zed doesn't like feelings cuz he's edgy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:52:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,428</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Emo_cat/pseuds/Lil_Emo_cat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hurting someone can be as easy as throwing a stone in the sea but sometimes we often don’t realize how deep that stone can go, carrying such a pain sometimes is to big of a burden to bear.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shieda Kayn/Zed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Fear inside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A lot of my favorite quotes will be scattered throughout this work.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maybe that’s it. We eventually go numb; because you can’t break a heart that’s already broken.</p><p> </p><p>Pain, he often denied it, like it didn’t torment him from within the depths of his mind, whispering to him, blood covered his hands, another successful mission.</p><p>The corridor seemed distraughted at this time of night, twisting abnormally, his mind playing tricks on him again, it seemed to never end as he stumbled his way to Zed’s headquarters.</p><p>“Master” He called, he was tired, the last of his energy was used making it this far from the village he was sent to gather information from, again it ended with another mass slaughter, he was able to keep the civilians out of it.</p><p>He was injured, not very badly but enough to make him week at the knees, his leg’s shock rather violently now.</p><p>“Kayn, I hope you come baring good news” Zed said from within the darkness, the younger boy scoffed lightly, semi smiling.</p><p>“When have I ever failed you?” He asked, confidence renewed and seemingly undying.</p><p>“You have yet to” Zed admitted; however, he didn’t have an ounce of happiness in his voice, this wasn’t uncommon, ever since Kayn was a boy Zed had always been cold as stone.</p><p>“I have what you want” The boy informed him, holding up a scroll that contained the information Zed wanted, the elder let out a sigh of approval as Kayn handed it over.</p><p>“I know this isn’t within my place to ask but I am curious as to why you wanted <em>that</em> out of all the information I could have obtained” Kayn said hesitantly, Zed didn’t like talking about his plans or anything along those lines.</p><p>“You were right, it’s not within your place to ask questions, you have done well, you’re dismissed” Kayn took the that que and bowed his head before making his way to the door.</p><p>Again, denied even a glimpse of Zed’s plans for the order, he was trying to peace it together with all the things he was sent to get but they all seemed so random.</p><p>Maps, hierarchy of villages, information on the Vatasyan movement, information on the Kinkou monastery, outlaws, bandit hide outs, nothing super informative since it was all over the place.</p><p>He made his way into the infirmary, he had several cuts, no broken bones, the nurses told him he was lucky he always came out of battles basically unharmed; most weren’t that lucky when it came to missions given by Zed.</p><p>He was wrapped in bandages and given a herbal remedy to ease any pain he could feel, he wasn’t really sore just tired, he was over the exhausted mark, he could feel himself drifting off as he walked to the dormitory that he and 3 other’s shared.</p><p>He collapsed on to his bed, engulfed by an overwhelming fuzzy feeling as he snuggled into his pillow, falling asleep.</p><p> </p><p>People walk around with a certain kind of sadness; people may not wear it on there selves but if you look deep enough it’s there.</p><p> </p><p>Deep, deep within, a pain born from blood bloomed inside him, it often seemed as if there was no light or hope, drowning in a river of his own fear and pain, it was cold, it always was, on nights like this, Kayn almost wished he couldn’t dream.</p><p>He coughed and gasped, his struggle for air seemed futile as its grip seemed almost deathly, give up, the darkness whispered to him sweetly, again and again, give up, give up, GIVE UP, it screamed now, its grip was crushing him, tightening more when he struggled, he bashed against the shadows and wailed, slashing at them with his nails.</p><p>He awoke startled as he hit the ground, his room mates all looked as startled as he did, he was sweating, it was a cold sweat though, he felt as if he couldn’t breathe, the other boys had heard his scream and woken up.</p><p>He looked distraught, he couldn’t focus on anything around him, obsessed with power and pride he often ignored how he felt sometimes, after all he was still just a boy who was forced to grow up too quickly, a factor that led way to such childish fears.</p><p>Fear, having such things left a bitter taste on his tongue, maybe he needed to be retrained in the art of being fearless once again, Zed was his teacher and his idle but going to Zed about this seemed meaningless as Zed would most likely see him as weak.</p><p>However, having such a weakness couldn’t be over looked, it would stab at his pride until all of it was gone or he was able to block it out again.</p><p>A sleepless night, seemed longer then a night when you lay watching the candles dance in the wind, flickering softly as the hours slowly tick by.</p><p>He had to wait, he wasn’t allowed to enter Zed’s quarters without permission the last time he did, he was punished, forced to scrub all of the orders floors, which was not a fun time at all.</p><p>Kayn was always impatient, so he was really struggling at staying put, it was about 6am, Zed would most definitely be awake but it might be too early for Zed to want to deal with him.</p><p>He battled himself internally but made a decision, he was going to go now anyway, if Zed wasn’t okay with it, he’d deal with the consequences later, he didn’t know if he could handle many more sleepless night, he often had bad dreams but not to the extent of last night.</p><p>Kayn picked himself up off the bed and made his way towards Zed’s quarters, Zed had a completely different living space to everyone else, obviously since he made the place, so Kayn had to go outside, the guards greeted him, he was looked up to all around the order due to his immense strength and agility, they let him pass but warned him, Zed wasn’t a fan of morning company.</p><p>He already knew this, he made his way up the stairs and knocked on the bigger than normal wooden doors, the wood was beautifully polished except for where the dents were, left by enemies mainly.</p><p>He heard footsteps approaching the door, followed by a grunt, he knew Zed wasn’t too pleased with his visit so early.</p><p>“Who is it and what do you want” Zed’s voice was stern and husky, you could hear that he had just been sleeping, it was a little lighter, probably due to the lack of armor, Kayn had the urge to knock down the doors, he had never seen his master, actually no one other then the eye of twilight had.</p><p>“Master, it’s Kayn” He said firmly, letting Zed know he didn’t intend to go unheard.</p><p>“What is it boy” The elder asked him, taking the hint the kayn probably needed something.</p><p>“I request more training, Master” He said formally, Zed had a thing for manners, since Kayn was always taught to respect the rankings and elders.</p><p>“And, why do you need to request this so early in the morning” Zed growled, Kayn didn’t want to wait any longer since he hadn’t even slept.</p><p>“I couldn’t wait any longer master, I’m not here requesting combat training, I’m requesting mind strengthening” He said hesitantly.</p><p>“hmmm, odd” Zed’s tone dropped abnormally.</p><p>“Master, lately, I-I haven’t been sleeping well, I seem to still have a fear of something, I’m not quite sure what though” He was fully prepared for Zed to say he was disappointed in him but Zed stood there quietly for a while.</p><p>“Kayn, you were right to come to me” Zed said, Kayn sighed with relief.</p><p>“Fear isn’t something you block out, you need to overcome it” Zed told him, Kayn had only been blocking it out, how do you over come a fear you don’t understand?</p><p>“But- I” He started but Zed cut him off.</p><p>“I know, I’ll help you but don’t you dare come to me this early again” Zed hissed, Kayn nodded as if Zed could see him then told Zed he would see him later.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes memories sneak out of the mind and flow from the eyes, down your cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it was pity that changed Zed’s mind that day, a day he thought he had long forgotten, a child frozen in fear, at the mercy of a masked man, even though he was shaking, he stood his ground, fear filled his almost ember eyes, that’s when Zed saw it, he saw himself in such a small child, passion and will, yet fear due to understanding that he couldn’t win even if he tried, yet he still stood there, willing to fight him.</p><p>He remembered it vividly that shaking had that had the weapon rattling, all the slaughtered children, the stench of blood that filled the almost stale air, it was almost poetic in a grim way.</p><p>He remembered the first few weeks Kayn was in the order, he was a scared child, Zed didn’t leave him often, the boy trusted no one else and barely trusted him as well, after all in stories the saviour could often become the abuser.</p><p>But this wasn’t the case, Zed wasn’t really cut out to be a parental figure but he didn’t really have a choice, he would raise the boy as a weapon after he made him a functioning human.</p><p>After a few months the boy wanted to train, probably to get stronger so he would never have to face that again, the fire in his eyes when Zed said he would teach him was probably one of the first times Zed had smiled since his master’s death.</p><p>That was 9 years ago, Kayn was 17 now, he grew up beautifully, he was strong and confident ish, he seemed to be full of self-doubt currently not quite sure what was wrong with him.</p><p>Zed was confident the boy would overcome this but he needed his guidance once again, the memories of the weak little child he had first meet were in a way, special, like a marking, showing just how much he had grown and exceeded his expectations, Kayn was no doubt his chosen one.</p><p>But the boy still has his ways to go, if he ever wanted to stand where he stands, things he need to learn, the boy’s brain was wired on being strong, not tactical, well not to the standard he would need to be to lead.</p><p>Zed made his way to the dinning hall, clinging on to these memories as if he would forget them if they left his mind at this moment, he had worked so hard for everything here, including the people.</p><p>He may be seen as evil to the eyes of others, well in a way he was, he knew this, he killed for what he wanted and so did everyone here, both young and old, however this was his family now.</p><p>The chatter seemed louder than normal, he looked around the room, searching for Kayn, Kayn was often boasting his strength to everyone and Zed would often watch in amusement.</p><p>Kayn oddly enough was here yet, Kayn did tell him he had been struggling to sleep, then again, once Kayn hit 14 he moved him into the dorms, he wasn’t a child anymore and he could be with everyone else.</p><p>Kayn stumbled in to the dinning hall half in his uniform, his shirt was on backwards, what a mess, Zed couldn’t help but think.</p><p>“Kayn, you look awful” One of his few friends informed him, he wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t slept and after such an exhausting mission as well.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m just tired” He stated, yawning loudly as he stretched his arms out, trying to loosen the stiff joints in his shoulders.</p><p>“Kayn” He heard a rough voice from behind him whisper, it was Master Zed.</p><p>“Oh Master, hello” He said, Zed was frowning, not that anyone could see but Kayn could tell with the way Zed crossed his arms, he often did that when he was irritated or disappointed.</p><p>“You’re a mess, go get some sleep” Zed ordered, Kayn gave him a look, Zed’s positioned shifted.</p><p>“Watch your attitude, now go” He ordered again, Kayn shock his head, Zed said he’d help him train his mind.</p><p>“You said you would help” Kayn pouted, Zed knew what he said but Kayn wouldn’t be able to focus like this.</p><p>Zed ordered for the chefs to put sleeping pills in Kayn’s food, he was never really good at following orders and Zed didn’t have time to argue with him at this moment.</p><p>They did as he asked, Kayn fell asleep at the table with his fork in his mouth, he really was still a child, Zed sighed and carried him to the dorm, where all of his dorm mates were sitting, chatting before training started, it didn’t seem like a good idea to put him there at the moment.</p><p>So Zed place him in his old room inside Zed’s quarters, he could almost see 8 year old Kayn again as he laid him down, this boy was such an idiot.     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Shallow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kayn's mind is full of cracks that need to be sealed or else the darkness will get the best of him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story feels like it's going down a sad path</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He is falling apart right in front of you and yet you still can't see him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kayn's mind stirred, irritating the shadows, Zed wasn't used to the shadows being unsettled, he could normally use his will power to settle them, however every time he though he grabbed a hold of them, they slip through his fingers.</p>
<p>He knew this wasn't the boy's fault, he has spent many years blocking everything out, even managing to forget parts of it but that wasn't how you were supposed to do it, he'd need to remember and accept it, he would need to be able to recall everything and become one with this past of his, Zed knew it wasn't easy, since he himself harbored his own Demon's, despite the pain that came with them he had long accepted it was the only way to restore proper balance to Ionia.</p>
<p>But Kayn wasn't him, it was even less likely for him to understand the foundation of the pain he has suffered, Zed knew he could teach him, it's just that in order to do so Zed would have to show him how he over came his shadows too.</p>
<p>Kayn knew about Shen and the Kinkou order, he knew Zed was exiled for murder but Zed never said why he did it, he had his reasons, he told the order it was for power when really it was for order, there needed to be good and bad people and if that meant he would have to be the bad, he would become a monster in the eyes of all.</p>
<p>-Ah great- he had been thinking to much about the past, he could tell since the shadows grew even more irritated, the shadows followed the emotions of those who could wield them, Kayn was very good with the shadows but not good enough,he often used them for escape but those tricks would never work on Zed since he was the Master of Shadows.</p>
<p>Kayn was still sleeping soundly as Zed sat in the doorway of this old room, he hated to admit that at times it felt empty without the stupid boy, the little pupil would often wake Zed up when he was allowed to sleep in here, gosh Zed was starting to feel old, even though he wasn't that old at all.</p>
<p>Kayn let out a struggled gasp and began coughing, grabbing Zed's attention, Zed walked to the side of the bed, Kayn was sweating, badly, Zed wasn't surprised, he placed his hand on Kayn's forehead, slicking his ink like hair, which stuck to his forehead, back so he could feel his temperature, he wasn't sick, this much he could tell, he wandered what was really going on inside this boys head.</p>
<p>The younger boy grit his teeth, a stuttered word falling from his mouth "Help" the break in his voice was too familiar, Zed remembered this scene all to well, he stroked the younger boy's hair back continuously and repeated "I'm here" over and over like he did when Kayn was a child who couldn't sleep alone.</p>
<p>The boy settled down but Zed didn't move, he often took in war born children because pain and fighting was all they knew but it wasn't all he knew, but it became all he was, war defined him, shadows did too, he often thought about Kusho and Shen,seeing Kayn like this reminded him that he once had people who would look  after him when he was sick, Kayn didn't, all Kayn had was him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every inch of pain gives a lesson and with every lesson given the more we change</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kayn woke up, his body covered in sweat, his hair felt like slime, his body, stiff, sleeping was a pain in the ass now, that much he could tell, he sat up looking around the room, it was familiar, he could see someone leaning against the bed, it was Master Zed, he must be asleep, his breathing was slow and deep,it echoed lightly from within his metal mask.</p>
<p>Kayn sat for awhile reminiscing about the time he spent in this room, it was his childhood room, the scratches and dents in the wood from his training hadn't been fixed, they littered the walls and the floor.</p>
<p>Kayn stared at Zed for awhile, such a scary man could be soft-ish, god if Zed could read his mind he would probably kill him, he chuckled lightly  running his fingers along the sharp metal plating of Zed's shoulder pads, he wandered if Zed really had stopped seeing him as a child.</p>
<p>To most, Kayn was a psychotic killer with a bad attitude, well it's not like he wasn't but before that he is a person but Zed always treated him as a lesser maybe he wasn't good enough for his masters liking, after all he never managed to fulfill a mission without somebody dying, he didn't mean to loose his temper, he just wasn't very at staying calm, he could always do his missions as stealth missions but that required more effort when it comes down to it.</p>
<p>All these memories that were tied to this room and this person, he felt like he was dumb to believe Zed was soft in any aspect but things like this made him want to believe it, Zed sitting at his side like he used to when he was a child and he would get sick but things were different, Zed told him not to think that Zed saw him as more then a weapon but he couldn't help it.</p>
<p>"Master" He whispered so quietly, as if the word was supposed to stay unheard, it was times like this where Kayn felt the most peace, within the care of his Master, even though he could hear Zed's voice in the back of his head growling him for acting like a child right now.</p>
<p>He lived his every second trying to please Zed, make him happy, he was Zed's weapon of choice and he was glad to be, he would follow his master to his own death, he loved his master, he loved this scary unfeeling man, he really did but feelings were for the weak, hence why he was here,he was consumed by fear rather than arrogance and that stabbed at every fiber of his being.</p>
<p>He knew better than to hope for affection, he was a boy born from blood and war, he was lucky enough to escape his so called inevitable death, however it was at the mercy of his master, everything in his his life always came back to Zed's mercy, maybe he was confusing loyalty for love?</p>
<p>"Ugh" he groaned, he was letting such little things eat away at him, his fist closed, his fingers grazed Zed's mask, Kayn was surprised when he felt a strong hand grip his wrist firmly, he must have woken Zed on accident.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everyone in your life is going to hurt you, you just need to figure out who is worth the pain</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Master" Kayn stuttered out, Zed's grip was really tight on his wrists, it kind of hurt, Zed let out a sigh, releasing the boy.</p>
<p>"You're awake now kayn" Zed said, Kayn nodded, maybe now they could start the training.</p>
<p>"what were you doing?" Zed asked him, to be fair anyone would find it kind of strange waking up to someone poking their face, so he wasn't surprised that Zed wasn't too impressed with that.</p>
<p>"I was seeing if you were awake" He lied but it was a good cover up, Zed would likely fall for it like he used to when Kayn was a child, Kayn would often poke Zed to wake him up when he was little, it was that or yell, he was a rowdy child, very hard to control, that fact remained the same now though, since Kayn had a habit of not wanting to listen.</p>
<p>"You need to stop doing that" Zed said sternly, it did give him a fright every time he did it, since he never saw it coming because he was sleeping, Kayn rolled his eyes, as if he was going to start listening now.</p>
<p>"Right, I hope you're feeling better because we need to start your training" Zed informed him, Kayn stretched, his bones cracked from his neck to his knees, Zed cringed a little he didn't mind the sound of bones snapping now, since he was used to it but he didn't like that sound for some reason.</p>
<p>"Can I shower and change first?" Kayn asked him, after all he was sweat and gross so Zed nodded, he didn't mind waiting another hour sure Zed was going tobe put behind on his paper work for the order but that didn't really bother him at the moment.</p>
<p>Kayn made his way to the bathroom, he remembered the layout vaguely so he managed to find it without a problem, Zed's bathroom floor was covered in armor and bandages, the bandages were stained with dried up blood, they must have been removed recently same with the broken armor pieces, Zed's duty to the order was very dangerous so of course he would be wounded.</p>
<p>His fingers traced the broken armor,it was quite heavy, so if Zed were to move without it he would be a lot quicker, Kayn was impressed that he could move as fast as he could in this armor, it seemed very impractical for fighting but at least it would absorb most of the attacks due to how hard it was,then again he was looking at broken pieces, Zed had been fighting against someone strong enough to put holes in his armor.</p>
<p>He wanted so badly to ask Zed about the fights but Zed would tell him not to worry and know his place but hi place was by his masters side and if his master were to fall now? he wasn't ready to take his place yet.</p>
<p>He stood in the shower, all he could think about was war, Ionia had been it's fair share of wars, Kayn himself was war born, he grew to love the smell of blood and enjoy the screams of his enemies well until now.</p>
<p>He left Zed waiting for about 40 minutes as he showered and changed, he ended up stealing some of Zed's clothes since he didn't bring any spare clothes, now his training could begin.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Training</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kayn begins his training with Zed and is unaware of the hinting his feelings towards Zed a bit.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kayn's a baby when he's around Zed</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It will never rain roses, if we want them, we have to plant them and wait for them to grow. </p><p> </p><p>Kayn knew the training wasn't going to be easy but he didn't think it would be this boring,he sighed as he sat in the middle of the floor, his legs crossed and eyes closed, he had been sitting like this in silence for an hour, Zed said it was supposed to help open up the mind more.</p><p>"Master, this" He felt a stern hand wack the back of his head, not too hard but not softly either, as he was shushed.</p><p>"Open your mind, focus, your fear will come to you" Zed assured him, Kayn kept his eyes closed for another hour until his mind went from black to red.</p><p>The red began to swirl around him just like in his dreams, it was sickening, it smelt of iron, ah, it was the stench of blood, his body was cold, as if submerged in water, his arms felt heavy and began to shake, he could hear the rattling of metal, the idea of Zed being around him faded, he felt alone, his breath began to quicken, hitching every few seconds, almost resembling a sob, he opened his eyes and there he was, standing in the Epool river.</p><p>He was panicking, his heart was pumping abnormally fast, he wanted to leave, why did this feel so real? where was Zed? he needed Zed, he began to hyperventilate, that was until he felt a firm hand on his shoulder, he turned around but saw nothing.</p><p>"Face it, it's the only way to get rid of it" Kayn knew this and tried his best to face it, taking a step forward</p><p>However, his fear was getting the best of him,that much Zed could see, the boy was now pale, his breathing still remained uneven, Zed knew he wasn't going to last very long in his illusion so Zed broke it.</p><p>He failed, his eyes opened properly and there he was, sitting at Zed's foot, his breathing was still off as he sat there trying to still it, he looked at Zed, desperately trying to read his well anything,the mans faces still hidden under the mask, he wondered what kind of expression he was making, he probably looked disappointed,he was sure of it.</p><p>"I- I'm sorry, I failed" he said, Zed could see the shame in his eyes, he could see the glassy haze of someone on the verge of tears, he hummed fora bit.</p><p>"I knew you would" He stated, Zed knew that there was no way Kayn could do it on his first try, it would take weeks at best, it could take months or even years to overcome deep rooted fears like Kayn.</p><p>Kayn looked up giving Zed an even sadder look an<em> so you never had any faith in me</em> look, Zed shook his head, Kayn was still a silly boy and always would be.</p><p>"No Kayn, that's no what I meant" Zed informed him.</p><p>"It's impossible to overcome in one try, a training of the mind takes many months, even years" He added, Kayn looked a little less sad now, which was a good start since most people come out of their illusion paranoid or crying.</p><p> </p><p>Like ice that melts away into the rain, sometimes the things we love turn into our pain.</p><p> </p><p>Kayn continued his training every few days, everyday would be too much of a strain on his mind, while he was training Zed would let him use his old room, he kept it the way it was because, even though he would never admit it, he didn't have the heart too.</p><p>"That's enough for today" He said, waking Kayn form another illusion,  Kayn sighed, it wasn't getting any easier for him, if anything thing, it was getting harder for him, because the further you go the more deep-rooted the pain and fear are.</p><p>"Damn it" Kayn cursed as he punched the wall, he hated this, he hated it a lot, Zed pet him on the head lightly, making him calm down a little.</p><p>"It's ok, you'll get there" He had to assure him, everytime.</p><p>"Will I?" Kayn growled, he was covered in sweat, every failed attempt made him feel even more pathetic, especially since Zed was watching him fail, over and over again.</p><p>"Kayn, these things take time, it will happen when you are ready" Zed restated, Kayn sighed and closed his eyes once more.</p><p>everything melted away, he was back in the river, something was off, normally it would start with him drowning but he was submerged instead it as if he wasn't even there, like an outsider looking in, watching the way his body twisted around the short sword he was carrying, his hands were small and scared, Kayn never remembered being so fragile, the thing that threw him off the most was his eyes.</p><p>His eyes were lifeless, that was it, no, it was worse then that, they were desolate, without a soul, he looked empty, it was as if he were glass and one little push would shatter him, he was so afraid, clutching onto that short sword for dear life.</p><p>"Hurk!" Kayn jolted, curling forward, throwing up on the floor directly in front of Zed.</p><p>"Kayn!"Zed shouted, quickly rushing to his students side.</p><p>He pulled Kayn's hair, making sure Kayn wouldn't throw up on it.</p><p>"Stop pushing yourself" Zed said, Kayn just coughed then gagged some more, clutching Zed's shoulder.</p><p>In a way Zed blamed himself for the state of Kayn's being, he always told him to never give up, even if it kills you, he never thought he would end up choking on those words.</p><p>"I can do it Master" Kayn whimpered softly, Zed sighed and put his hand over Kayn's eyes.</p><p>"I know" He whispered back, gently stroking Kayn's hair back,attempting to soothe him.</p><p>After an hour of soothing the boy, Kayn  fell asleep on Zed's lap, Zed ended up carrying him to bed, he didn't enjoy seeing Kayn this weak but what could he say? the boy was only human after all, he sat on the end of Kayn's bed.</p><p> </p><p>The things you thought meant nothing, mean something when they're gone</p><p> </p><p><em>"I want to go home!"</em> </p><p>
  <em>"That's too bad"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please, please, we're scared, we want to stay home"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't be stupid boy, you don't have a home"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"B-but!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Enough!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sir, you can't, please they are just children, you can't do this!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Quiet!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mama!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please! NO!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>"MAMA!!"</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You can't take them, I wont let you!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Heh, try and stop me"</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>"MAMA!"</em> </strong>
</p><p>Kayn awoke, so many memories that he had blocked out for so long started flooding back to him, he had dreamed of the day the soldiers came to take them, the orphanage mother begged the men to spare them and was cut down for it, Kayn remembered her screams, it seemed the more he tried to overcome it the more of his memory he unlocked.</p><p>He rolled over and went to get up however Zed was laying next to him, Zed had passed out while looking after him, Zed truly was gentle at heart, Kayn decided not to get up, he didn't want to wake Zed, he could tell by Zed's breathing that Zed was tired.</p><p>He always wondered what Zed saw in him on that day that made him spare him, pity? perhaps, maybe sympathy? no, no these thoughts would only fuel his nightmares, he was afraid of Zed when he first meet him, who wouldn't be?</p><p>Zed was your average bad guy but that's what made things like this better, he knew Zed wasn't bad at heart he just had to be in order to achieve what he needed to, Kayn admired that.</p><p>Kayn closed his eyes to go back to sleep, he itched closer to Zed, ugh, he smelt like blood, why was he so surprised?  </p><p>He smiled, he liked the way Zed's breath felt on his neck and collar bone, he moved closer again, the smell of blood and metal becoming stronger, he pulled Zed closer, tempted to wrap his arms around him but held that thought back.</p><p>However Zed pulled him in close, Kayn jumped at the sudden action.</p><p>"shhhh" Zed groaned, Kayn really was a spoilt child, always getting what he wanted, almost.</p><p>Kayn rested his head in the craves between Zeds head and shoulder, Zed had one eye open, not that Kayn could see that through his mask, the metal was a little uncomfortable against him but he didn't mind since it was Zed after all, Kayn felt something welling up inside him, a kind of warmth as he snuggled into Zed.</p><p>They both settled down after what seemed to be 15 minutes of getting comfortable, before falling asleep together, like they used to do when Kayn was a child, this brought back memories, good ones.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeet</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you ejnoy this &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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